I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
