I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
