last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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