I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
