my phone needs a breathalizer
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
