remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
