what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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