bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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