No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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