I'm passing your future prison.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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