I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
