I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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