I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
