i think i have two assholes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
