I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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