Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
