that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
