i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
