The maid of honor just puked.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
