So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
