i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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