Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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