mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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