Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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