i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
