i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
