I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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