i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
