So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
