it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
