I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
