I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
