Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
