hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
