i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
