i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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