have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
