Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
