I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
