giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
