and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
