In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
