Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize