Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
