FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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