Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
