I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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