when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
