Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
