You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Michael Bay diarrhea
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
two words: eviction party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize