I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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