so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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