im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
