I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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