dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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