I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
