How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
