I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
