you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize