if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
