I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
