im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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