i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize