Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize